Furry Purry Face

Last night I was lying bed and I could not sleep because sometimes I feel so acutely worthless. It feels like everything I touch crumbles and the best thing I can do for anyone or anything is just leave them alone. I was completely numbed and paralyzed by the horror of this feeling. Suddenly Spud leaped out of the darkness onto my chest. She sniffed my face and meowed anxiously. Then she hunkered down and started purring so hard it made a crackling sound. It was not the kind of purring a cat makes when it is comfortable. It was a demand that I be comforted by her. The vibrations loosened something in me and tears spilled out of my eyes. She sniffed them, I could feel her whiskers and her short little breaths on my face as my numbness thawed. She gently, yet insistently patted the top of my cheek under my eye with her paw. She would not relax until I found myself able to reach up and pet her in return. It is in this way that Spud pulls me out of my internal mire. It is kind of funny how the most oppressive despair can be dispelled by a cat who wants my attention. And it is more than simple distraction. I can believe that perhaps everything in my world would be better off without me- except for this smelly, grumpy little furrball with a penchant for sleeping in potato bins. She needs me. I don't question whether or not she is worthy of being cared for, so why do I question myself? What measure of worth is there except the ability to love and be loved?